By: Dr. Jeff Cadichon | Nadege Clinical Director
In Haiti, Mother’s Day is celebrated every year on the last Sunday of May. This is often the moment to find a Mother’s Day gift to show your mom that you love her very much. While the commercial nature of this holiday is not my favorite, it must be admitted that this is also the period when great stories are highlighted.
There is no shortage of initiatives to honor mothers. While such practices are justifiable, it is clear that they are often an impediment to the mental health of those who experience its non-supportive and exclusive in nature.
From an early age, the celebration of Mother’s Day was always quite perplexing to me. I must first clarify that I am not protesting against the holiday in and of itself. I always try to express my gratitude to my mom for what she represents in my life. Mother’s Day is one of the many times I express my love and gratitude to her.
However, there are many commemorative practices that bother me during this period. While we are celebrating as many people as possible, both commercially and out of pure expression of gratitude, we too often forget the traumatic reactivation caused by a day that is supposed to bring joy and happiness.
On Mother’s Day, it is imperative to pay attention to the young mother whose child is the result of rape, struggling to recover and experiencing conflictual feelings about her little one. It is the same for women who wish to be a biological mother but may never have the opportunity.
Our thoughts should also be with children who have not experienced the mother-child relationship and are struggling with a complex grieving process. These same children who, in becoming mothers, find it difficult to offer a maternal love because they never experienced it and are facing double victimization because they are also accused of being bad mothers.
What about the young woman who was kidnapped for several days, and after being released, must not only face the mental health consequences of the kidnapping, but also deal with the sudden death of her mother who passed away after learning the news of her kidnapping?
Did you also know that the custom in some places of worship in Haiti is for mothers to stand up during the service to be honored on Mother’s Day? Have you ever wondered how much more that can rub salt in the wounds of people suffering from all kinds of trauma that re-emerge during this time?
The representations, initiatives and practices associated with Mother’s Day must be supportive and inclusive. This celebration should also be an opportunity to honor all mothers, including adoptive, foster, step, spiritual, grieving the loss of a child or mother etc, who serve as parental figures contributing to the development of many children.
There are also aunts, cousins, close friends of the family, or even strangers who embody a maternal nature and help prevent unfavorable experiences of childhood (abuse, neglect, family dysfunction) that would have a negative impact on health and well-being throughout life.
In my opinion, all women who dream of living the motherhood experience deserve special attention on Mother’s Day. The act of honoring all women who carry that maternal instinct can help them make sense of their trauma (if any exists) and bounce back after a traumatic experience. Such an approach will be in line with the fact that May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and mental health matters even on days marked by celebration.